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"How the Griffin Stole Christmas" is the fifth Christmas episode of Family Guy.

Plot

When Christmas comes around Quahog, the Griffins decide to go sledding instead of attending church after watching How David Lynch Stole Christmas. Mayor Adam West at first bans sledding from Quahog. After a fight with Peter Griffin, he renounces the decision. When sledding, the Griffins go sledding on the dining room table, except for Lois Griffin who protests that the table has been in her family for generations. The family however go sledding on it while wearing go-pro cameras, but they get injured when hitting the bottom and subsequently destroy the table. When going to the mall to replace the table, Chris wants to sit on Santa Claus' lap despite the fact that he is in high school. Upon seeing the long line, Peter complains to a mall patron who reveals that their current Mall Santa Claus is a drunk. Seeing how Peter looks, the patron decides to hire him as a substitute.

Meanwhile, Stewie discovers that Brian has been crashing office Christmas parties for free alcohol and is about to attend one. When attending a party, he tries to impress a girl, but it fails. Stewie arrives to survey how Brian is failing at his malingering, but decides to stay at seeing the free food. During Christmas parties they attend at the printer company Printex, Stewie makes a stir that pleases the employees and the employer who gives him a job.

After one of his shifts ends, Peter goes to purchase a burrito, but the cashier gives it to him for free, making Peter discover that he can have his way at the mall as Santa Claus. He decides to stay until Christmas, much to Lois's skeptism. Peter begins using his disguise as Santa to gain leverage against other people, like a meter maid, a music conductor, and getting spaghetti at a strip club while intoxicated. When he passes out after exiting the strip club called the Fuzzy Clam, he wakes up and meets the actual Santa Claus who is crossed with him for abusing Santa's name and making him look like a jerk. Peter brushes him off and takes some of the spaghetti home for dinner, but Santa decides to put a strike on Peter as he quotes "You better watch out." One of Santa Claus' Christmas elves was seen exiting the Fuzzy Clam and goes the other way upon seeing Santa Claus. Santa starts by sending some forged texts to Joe Swanson by going with him to Build-a-Bear Workshop. Peter counteracts by replacing one of Santa Claus's reindeer with a real reindeer, but it backfires when the Christmas elf with Santa Claus cuts the real reindeer loose and it falls through the Griffin family's roof and onto their dinner table. The next day, Peter receives a box containing Meg Griffin's farts and calls Glenn Quagmire, Cleveland Brown, and Joe Swanson over. When Peter looks into it, something happens to Peter's face.

At Printex, Stewie discovers that his riot has gotten a woman fired when he checked to see if her Internet is slow. Stewie soon realizes that working in an office is not all great, so he decides to spread some holiday cheer by giving out some $11,000.00 checks to the other employees before resigning from the office.

Outside the Drunken Clam, Peter sees Santa's sleigh and decides to hijack it. As Peter writes "Wash Me" on the dirty part, he discovers too later that it was a trap as Santa strangles him with his belt. Santa Claus withdraws when Peter agrees to stop wearing the suit. After Peter apologizes to Santa, Santa gives him a Penthouse magazine he found in the woods when he was 12 years old. When Peter commented that he must've been a terrible Santa Claus portrayer, Santa Claus states that someone else was worse than him as he shows a magazine where it's cover has Bill Cosby dressed as Santa Claus. Santa Claus then leaves and as Peter waves goodbye to him. He narrates that he forgot about that Christmas as a result of a drunken hangover that took his family to restrain him.

Trivia

20th Century Fox
Movies
Miracle on 34th Street (1955 remake) (1973 remake) (1994 remake) • Die HardDie Hard 2Home AloneHome Alone 2: Lost in New YorkTrapped in ParadiseJingle All the WayHome Alone 4The Family StoneDeck the Halls12 Men of ChristmasHome Alone: The Holiday HeistJingle All the Way 2
Television episodes and specials
Live-action shows
"Dear Dad" • "Dear Sis" • "Death Takes a Holiday" • "All About Christmas Eve" • "Christmas Story" • "Santa Baby" • "Kay's Gift" • "Merry Catnip" • "Christmas Carol" • "How the Ghosts Stole Christmas" • "Amends" • "Cookies for Santa" • "The Santa In The Slush" • "A Very Glee Christmas" • "Extraordinary Merry Christmas" • "The 23rd" • "Glee, Actually" • "Santa"
Animated shows and specials
The Simpsons "Simpson Christmas" • "Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire" • "Marge Be Not Proud" • "Miracle on Evergreen Terrace" • "Grift of the Magi" • "Skinner's Sense of Snow" • "She of Little Faith" • "'Tis the Fifteenth Season" • "Simpson Christmas Stories" • "Kill Gil, Volumes I & II" • "The Fight Before Christmas" • "Holidays of Future Passed" • "White Christmas Blues" • "I Won't Be Home for Christmas • "The Nightmare After Krustmas"
King of the Hill "The Unbearable Blindness of Laying" • "Pretty, Pretty Dresses" • "Hillennium" • "'Twas the Nut Before Christmas" • "The Father, the Son, and J.C." • "Livin' on Reds, Vitamin C and Propane" • "Ms. Wakefield"
Family Guy, American Dad!, and The Cleveland Show "A Very Special Family Guy Freakin' Christmas" • "The Best Christmas Story Never" • "The Most Adequate Christmas Ever" • "Rapture's Delight" • "A Cleveland Brown Christmas" • "Road to the North Pole" • "For Whom the Sleigh Bell Tolls" • "Murray Christmas" • "Season's Beatings" • "Die Semi-Hard" • "Jesus, Mary and Joseph!" • "'Tis the Cleveland To Be Sorry" • "Minstrel Krampus" • "Christmas Guy" • "Dreaming of a White Porsche Christmas" • "The 2000-Year-Old Virgin" • "How the Griffin Stole Christmas"
Bob's Burgers "God Rest Ye Merry Gentle-Mannequins" • "Christmas in the Car" • "Father of the Bob" • "Nice-Capades" • "The Last Gingerbread House on the Left" • "The Bleakening"
Other cartoons "A Christmas Surprise for Mrs. Stillman" • Olive, the Other Reindeer • "Xmas Story" • "A Tale of Two Santas" • "The Futurama Holiday Spectacular" • Ice Age: A Mammoth Christmas

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