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|Music by:||Fred Spielman|
|Lyrics by:||Janice Torre|
Fred: Merry Christmas, Uncle Scrooge!
Fred: Oh, be merry, Uncle Scrooge!
What's so merry on Christmas Day?
The merry money you throw away?
The merry bills you have to pay?
When you say "Merry Christmas," I say BAH!
Fred: Here's a present, Uncle Scrooge.
I think that you're a fool to waste your cash!
What's the present you always buy?
A handkerchief or an awful tie,
Look at this tie and you'll know why
When I get Christmas presents, I say TRASH!
Fred: But everything at Christmas is so jolly and lively,
The Christmas trees and wreaths of holly...
Scrooge: Poison Ivy!
Fred: The Girls and Boys who dream about St. Nicholas.
Scrooge: St. Nicholas?!! Ridiculous!!!
Fred: Don't you like him, Uncle Scrooge.
Fred: Good old Nicholas.
Scrooge: That's all a lot of slosh!
I abominate old St. Nick.
His reckless spending make me sick.
I think St. Nick's a lunatic!
When you say "Old St. Nicholas," I say BOSH!
Fred: Oh, don't be angry, uncle. Come dine with us tomorrow.
Scrooge: Christmas dinner? What a repunerent revolting institution.
Fred: Oh, don't you want a juicy Christmas turkey?
Scrooge: Detest it!
Fred: Plum pudding with a brandy sauce?
Scrooge: Can't digest it!
Fred: You'll get a mellow feeling with humanity.
Scrooge: Humanity... Insanity!!!
Fred: You'll enjoy it, Uncle Scrooge.
It may be fun for you but not for me.
I'm not merry on Christmas day.
I'm never happy, I'm never gay,
If you think I could feel that way
Then you are just as stupid as can be.
If you think I'll be merry.
And chirp like a canary.
Then you are even dumber than a dumb-bug!
When you say "Merry Christmas," I say Nonsense!
And just plain Humbug!
Humbug! Humbug! Humbug!